Planet Blorgh!

An Existential Laundry List - Part 1

2010-03-21T15:12:00.000-07:00

1. This is it.
2. There are no hidden meanings.
3. You can't get there from here, and besides, there's no place else to go.
4. We are all already dying, and we will be dead for a long time.
5. Nothing lasts.
6. There is no way of getting all you want.
7. You can't have anything unless you let go of it.
8. You only get to keep what you give away.
9. THere is no particular reason why you lost out on some things.
10. The world is not necessarily just. Being good often does not pay off and there is no compensation for misfortune.
11. You have a responsibility to do your best nonetheless.

Taken from: S.B. Kopp - If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him!

A journal entry from this time last year.

2009-12-08T22:05:00.000-08:00

Friday, December 19, 2008 - 3:08am

I sit on the train, late at night, rolling through British Columbia. My throat is dry and scratchy and feels like it's getting sick. I slept lightly. It's a more intimate travel experience on this train. It’s slowed down. I feel like it’s a hundred years ago. It has a novelty and romanticism about it. We pass through sleepy towns and cold dark fields. I sit next to my brother, who sleeps soundly. I had a nice visit. We did some stuff – checked out downtown, Granville island, the Vancouver Gallery, some local bars and coffee shops. Did a ton of shopping – spent enough money to feel the pangs of guilt. But it is Christmas – a very apropos time to feel guilty. It’s different out here. I mean, my life out here is different than it was in Saskatoon. The people are the same: trying to get places, trying to do things, worrying, laughing, working. Of course I'm different – Im sleeping on someones pullout couch and living out of luggage that is too big that arrived too late. I sleep late, drink fairly steadily, and simply wake and walk and take things in during the day. Very different from the 12 hour work days I left behind. It is so easy to return to a carefree lifestyle. So easy it’s scary. I looked forward to this trip for weeks or months. I looked forward to this train ride. Was it as good as I hoped? Is anything ever what one hopes?

I feel like I should make some kind of big personal breakthrough on this train. Like these 36 hours should be more special and meaningful than those that preceded it or those that will come after. No reason it should be the place for this to happen. And yet I feel like it should be. A problem in a family relationship plagues my mind. Tosses me about. Consumes me. A book I'm reading suggested that thinking of every angle of a problem is not always the solution. It suggested that sometimes more information is not better. It suggested that silence and quieting the mind is the only solution – this allows one to see that some problems need to only resolve themselves, work themselves out. That they are not problems that must be solved but simply processes, or paths. This person is on their own path, and my relationship to them is part of that. Not for me to solve or figure out, but to support and try to manage my family role and my other roles – helper, son, brother, friend. To try to not make things harder or more difficult but recognizing that I might sometimes do just this. It makes me human.

And soon I will return home where more ‘being human’ will happen. Managing friendships - deciding how best to be close to those important in my life, and doing so while trying to maintain my Jeffness. Forging new relationships - meeting people on the same page as me, or at least the same chapter. Learning and growing in my work - doing the best that I can for my clients, learning what I can from supervisors and colleagues, moving forward in my studies at this molasses pace that I'm becoming all too familiar with. Connecting with my family – seeing the good and recognizing the importance of these relationships. Living a balanced life – making time for exercise, leisure, work, a pint, meditation, play, sleep. And sometimes failing in any and all of it. Accepting that this is a journey and not a destination. THIS IS A JOURNEY AND NOT A DESTINATION. As such, there is no right way to get there or wrong way to get there, but simply whichever way I have come. It is the train ride, and not Vancouver or Saskatoon.

music and growing up

2009-11-09T15:19:00.000-08:00

The other day I was talking with some friends about the state of 'indie' music and all that jazz. Well, not jazz, but you get the idea. I was saying how I was bored of most of it, and that I hadn't heard much in the way of a band that really grabbed me, that really hit me hard and made me want to listen to them all the time and download as much of their music illegally as I could and tell everyone I knew. It's been awhile since this has happened, regardless of the genre.

Voyno said it was cause I was getting old. Something to think about. People do seem to get to a certain age and just kind of stop exploring new whatever. Think of all those parents listening to what they listened to when they were teens and young adults. Those are the same people that never figured out how to program a VCR (a what? I'll explain what that is in another post) because the technology eventually got the better of them and they couldn't or wouldn't keep up anymore.

It's Ludacris -ahem, scratch that. It's ludicrous to think "the artists of today aren't like they used to be." The second you say that, you are officially a crotchety old man with nothing better to do than to romanticize the past and its adherents, and demonize the present and its current generation. It's the same as "_______ aren't built the way they used to be" and "kids today..." These generalizations built on ignorance and a discomfort with a changing world. You hear it about texting all the time, and facebook and everything else. It's not worse or ruining communication or destroying our youth. It's just different. You can either engage with it, understand it, take up the parts you like and discard the ones you don't. Or you can let it pass you by (whatever it is) and gripe about it.

So today, I won't gripe about being bored with it, or that it's losing its way, or that it all sounds the same. I'm going to get active, check into some bands, and figure out what it is I like and don't like. Just think about how many people didn't give the Beatles, MJ, Radiohead, or any other really great band a chance because they were too narrow minded and set on what they already liked (or more accurately, thought they liked) to explore them?

India

2009-08-21T15:21:00.000-07:00

Not much blogging while away on my trip. The idea of a 'travelblog' and semi frequent updates of a trip is a great idea. Until you're actually there and the power is cutting out 4 or 5 times per day and it's hot as hell and pretty much doing anything sounds more exotic and fun than updating such a blog. Now that I've returned home (where still just about anything is, or at least should be, more relevant and important than posting,) I'll make some posts regarding my musings and stories from India.

Here are a few Indian contradictions I noticed in my travels. Really, the entire country is a massive paradox. Some of these are amusing, others downright irritating, all of them mindboggling, to me at least.

1. Energy efficient bulbs in every socket, alongside one inch gaps under doors and around windows of rooms with airconditioners.

2. Rather strict rules about smoking (i.e. not in most buildings, not on outdoor train platforms or anywhere in public in some cities even!) in areas with some of the worst air pollution in the world.

3. A people who is laidback and never seem to be in any kind of hurry, until you get them behind the wheel of an automobile.

4. Crores of starved and destitute people, who are often ignored or treated with outright contempt alongside large feeding sites for pigeons.

5. Male/female relationships marked by ultra conservatism and no public displays of affection in the land of the Kama Sutra and countless inspired statues and monuments.

6. A massive and highly efficient train system with traincars and station platforms without markings.

A Few Interesting Things I'm Remembering About Train Travel

2009-07-21T05:59:00.000-07:00

The scenery. It's different from highway scenery. It's kind of like an alleyway of the countryside. It's rough parts of cities you've been to a hundred times that you've never seen. It's graffiti on industrial buildings that would never be tolerated anywhere else. It can also be quite magestic and beautiful. It's travelling on train bridges that you can't see under you over canyons and rivers.

This is not an airplane. The staff will accomodate you if it is possible. There aren't a lot of rules. Bring what you want on the train. There is no searching or 'customs.' the guy that checks your baggage probably sold you your ticket and will likely be the one to check it as you board.

The motion. It's a smooth, steady, and slow push forward. There's also a side to side rocking motion. Never very strong but always present. A whistle blows nearly continuously and sounds very far away.

The French/ English signage. It reminds you that this thing travels coast to coast and is one of the few indications in the West of our country's French history outside a government building.

The bathroom sinks. The faucets jut out about a centimeter from the sink bowl and leak water, apparently using only the powers of gravity, down the back of the sink.

Stopping, for a moment, between train cars is pretty neat. It's cold and metal and windy and, best of all, forbidden.

An Experiment

2009-05-21T14:53:00.000-07:00

in not using the internet.

A hiatus.

For one week.

Maybe two.

Email, it stays. Hard to get away from that.

Equally hard to get away from facebook, twatter, awkwardfamilyphotos.com, menwholooklikeoldlesbians.blogspot.com, and various other sites that are really relevant and meaningful and important to keep up with day to day.

Which makes this so necessary.

It's time to disconnect

thinking out loud.

2009-05-20T08:42:00.000-07:00

I recently finished my oral comprehensive ethics exam. It was kind of a big deal. With its completion, I am presumed competent enough to apply out to internship sites this fall, I am officially considered a 'Ph.D Candidate,' and I have completed another program milestone. I actually don't know that I passed and won't for another couple weeks but I feel that I did. I feel that it went very well and have no qualms with counting my chickens, as it were.

This test was something that certainly inspired a fair degree of anxiety, nervousness, and worry in the weeks and days leading up to it. Of course such a thing would. I wavered back and forth between feeling confident and woefully unprepared. It didn't help that my cohort is such a bright and dedicated bunch of gals who at any given time seem far more prepared and suited to the profession than I feel that I do.

Those feelings of woeful unpreparedness and catastrophication were happening in a different place compared to the feelings of confidence and ease. My dreams were haunted by ethical issues for several nights before the test. My stomach clenched and wrenched and toiled for weeks before the exam. That feeling of being hungry all the time, hardly being able to eat, and yet also wanting to throw up was a familiar companion over the past week or so. I could feel my jaw tightening and clenching late in the evening before bed - sure signs I've resumed grinding my teeth. I felt the worry and the doubt. In my body.

My confidence and ease happens in my mind. In my thoughts. Throughout this pressure filled time, I was able to keep a pretty optimistic attitude. While feeling all of these extremely uncomfortable feelings, I was telling myself that everything would work out, that I tend to do well on these sorts of things, and all kinds of other positive things that I know to be true. Others would ask how I was doing, how things were going. I would say that it was fine, that I was doing real well, that things were coming along and everything would go well.

And I wasn't lying. I felt that. I do feel that. And that's what happened. But my physiology betrays me. It's incongruent with my thoughts. If body and mind are essentially one, intrinsically interconnected, than what does that say about me and my experience? Was I fooling myself? When does positive thinking and optimism become denial? Does it matter?

2009-04-15T22:12:00.000-07:00

I just found this picture on a friend's bands blog. Wow. Powerful stuff. The words, not that print behind the book. It's okay too I suppose. So simple, yet so difficult to do sometimes. Sometimes? All the time? If you're like me, then very often at least. It's always the simplest things that are the gosh darn hardest to do. Be kind. Forgive. Listen. Give people the benefit of the doubt. Relax. Live for today. Brush your teeth. All necessary to be fulfilled, all incredibly difficult to do day-to-day.

These 4 points are probably all one needs in order to cultivate a happy life. How so, you did not ask?

Everyone feels like everyone else, just not at the same time: So there's no need to feel stupid, or alone, or misunderstood in a given situation - we all feel like that. There's no need to worry about what others think of you, cause they wonder that too. There's no need to harm others, because they're the same as you.

People are unpredictable: So don't try to pigeonhole them, stereotype them, judge them, or count them out. It goes for yourself as well. You are free to be whomever you want to be. You are not who others say you are.

Letting go is better than maintaining control: Be spontaneous. See where life takes you. See where people take you. Allow things to unfold as they will, not as you want them to. If it's uncomfortable - move toward it. Trust yourself.

Absolutely nothing good can come out of overthinking things: Surely some things should be considered carefully. Very true - but everyone knows when they are overthinking something. Playing out scenarios that have yet to occur. Worrying. Doubting. Making themselves crazy over something that hasn't happened yet. Or maybe it already happened - and so it has passed. It's what your mind brings to a given situation that determines how you'll feel about it.

These 4 things, as simple as they are, are what it's all about.

Spring has sprunked.

2009-03-31T12:37:00.000-07:00

Can you feel it? It's in the air. It comes with the warm weather, the bright sun, and the longer days. It's evident as classes come to an end and people start venturing out more. It's in the music you start to hear from open car windows, in the chirping birds, the walking in zig zags to avoid puddles, and in the shedding of layers. The streets, bridges, and trails of our city are alive with people and kids and pets again. Another winter has come and gone and hope and excitement about a new season is palpable. Ever notice how people around here say it's going to be a great summer, every summer? What a a great feeling and perspective.

Many complain about winter. They are long and can be pretty harsh. This one seemed to start off early and cranky and held on a long time. Global Cooling was tossed around by academics, politicians, and lay people as the new thing to furrow our brow and shake our fist at. I think our winter makes our summer special. I don't think we would appreciate summer nearly as much without a long and trying winter. Summer in Saskatoon is special, and it's hard to describe what I mean using words. You know what I mean. Cause you've lived it. And cause you've experienced a prairie winter or two.

And so it is with life. You can't really have the dizzying highs without the terrifying lows. One gives meaning to the other, defines the other, and helps to set them apart.

I can hardly wait for the highs and lows of summer 2009.

On all the earth there is not one leaf that is exactly like another...

2009-03-22T22:10:00.000-07:00

...The Great Spirit likes it that way. He only sketches out the path of life roughly for all the creatures on earth, shows them where to go, where to arrive at, but leaves them to find their own way to get there. He wants them to act independently according to their nature, to the urges in each of them.

If the Great Spirit likes the plants, the animals, even little mice and bugs, to do this, how much more will he abhor people being alike, doing the same thing, getting up at the same time, putting on the same kind of clothes, riding the same subway, working in the same office at the same job with their eyes on the same clock, and worst of all, thinking alike all the time. All creatures exist for a purpose. Even an ant knows what that purpose is - not with its brain, but somehow it knows. Only human beings have come to a point where they no longer know why they exist. They don't use their brains and they have forgotten the secret knowledge of their bodies, their senses, or their dreams. They don't use the knowledge the spirit has put into every one of them; they are not even aware of this, and so they stumble along blindly on the road to nowhere - a paved highway which they themselves bulldoze and make smooth so that they can get faster to the big, empty hole which they'll find at the end, waiting to swallow them up.

- John (Fire) Lame Deer

Reggae

2009-03-15T00:28:00.000-07:00

Last weekend I took in a show at Amigo's by a Rastafarian named Mishka. I love reggae. I'm not special really for this reason. I can't say I've ever even heard someone disparage it. It has broad appeal. I love the baseline, that chilled out tempo, the grittiness of it, the religious undertones, the 'world musicness' of it, the head bobbing and foottappingness of it, and most importantly the message. It's just another genre of music, I tell myself. And yet everything I've heard I've loved. So much so that I can't even really evaluate it.

But then I wonder how wide or deep my experience really goes with reggae? Not very wide and pretty darn shallow. It's embarrassing really. Marley, Marley, um, yep, Marley (am I missing any?), Peter Tosh, Matisyahu, Mishka, Michael Franti, a maybe one or two more - Soulja Fya? A couple of these are relatively small time too - local touring bands. And a couple are so new to me that they wouldn't have been included had I written this a couple weeks ago. Strange to include random small venue bands playing for cover and bands I've just heard of in my 'reggae' definition.

At any rate, I'm looking for more reggae artists and albums so I can stop touting something I really don't understand or know anything about. I'm trying to cultivate an interest here people - help a brother out.

Anyways, the message. The content of the message. Peace. Love. Unity. Respect for all life. Ganja. Not real hard to get behind these ideas. Maybe that's why I can't evaluate it. How can you be like "this shit is not cool man" when Mishka sings "Peace and Love." Or "Marley's Redemption Song sucks balls - I hate that song?" Who even talk this way with the 'balls,' and the 'sucks' and all the cursing? Or maybe I just haven't explored a wide enough selection of reggae? Maybe I just haven't come across all that shitty reggae out there.

Neither sounds quite right.

Canadian Identity

2009-03-06T11:04:00.000-08:00

I'm planning a trip to India this summer and so I've been trawling websites, blogs, and forums and talking to people who have visited, trying to get the skinny on what's crackin over that way and a sense of what to expect. In the Canadian news over the past couple weeks everyone has quite rightly been talking about President Obama's visit to our land, and, strangely, his purchase of a beaver tail - a doughnut like thing for eating apparently. Bear with me - I'm going somewhere with this.

From talking to people and researching India I've been learning about a lot of particular and peculiar and fascinating customs, traditions, gestures, symbols, etc, etc. I really can't wait to bumble around the subcontinent and experience it all first hand. It made me stop and think - what is peculiar and particular about Canadians? What makes us, us? Beer, hockey, mountains/lakes/fishing/hunting type stuff, cold, being courteous, the French/English deal, mounties, um...beaver tails? These are things that tend to come up. But I don't play hockey, never did, I've never hunted or fished in my life, it's hot as hell in these and other parts during the summer, and I had never heard of a beaver tail until the press was talking about it in relation to Obama. I do love beer, the politeness I can see, et je parle un petit peu de brise Francais.

I don't identify with this overall picture of what a Canadian is. Do any of us? Or is this just an issue in any country - particularly those that are as massive and regionally and culturally distinct as ours?

Animals in Buckets

2009-02-19T15:35:00.000-08:00

This cat is saying, "lookit me, I'm in a bucket!"

The last place this dog seems to want to be is in this bucket.

Bucket or no bucket, he doesn't even give a fuck.

I think this koala is actually being rescued in this bucket - still counts!

Frogs and buckets have always shared a close alliance.

This little gaffer looks alarmed. I would be too if I found myself looking down from the business end of a bucket.

Farewell

2009-02-17T19:38:00.000-08:00

Diddy Kong died yesterday. It was awhile coming. I think he had a brain malfunction of some sort - his back legs stopped working abruptly a couple of weeks ago. This is pretty significant if you're a mouse. Or any mammal really. But he wouldn't want me to dwell on his last difficult days. A couple of bundy legs certainly couldn't crack his spirit.

Diddy was a fine example of a mouse. He was clever and eager and industrious. He would make elaborate nests out of whatever materials he had available and would hide bits of food all over the place from the tyrannous Squeeky. He was forever exploring his tiny environment and would climb all over the bars of his cage, just for fun it seemed. Sometimes he would climb all the way up to the top of the cage and just hang by his little mouse arms. Not only funny to watch, this inadvertent strength training likely enabled Diddy to drag himself around for so long once his hind limbs pooped out on him.

He was also very people friendly and social, which is not so common for a mouse. He would immediately climb out of the cage when I opened the door and would always come and say hello. Well, he was thinking it. He would have died so darn fast in his natural environment.

Diddy taught me many things about life - that it's a good idea to do your business mostly in one part of your environment, for instance, so it doesn't get all over everything, and that the best thing to do when startled is to either not move a muscle or run away. Finally, he taught me to hoard food when you have it, cause you never know when you're going to get more (my bad, lil buddy) and that you can stay toasty by sleeping in a big naked pile with your roommates. Thank you for the life lessons Diddy. You will be missed.

Great Word

2009-02-10T08:59:00.000-08:00

egosurf |ˈēgōˌsərf|verb [ intrans. ] informalsearch the Internet for instances of one's own name or links to one's own Web site.DERIVATIVESegosurfing noun

What is Brainfreeze?

2009-02-08T19:39:00.000-08:00

"Pain that begins a few seconds after rapid ingestion of cold foods or beverages and peaks in 30-60 seconds. The pain is usually located in the midfrontal area, but can be unilateral in the temporal, frontal, or retro-orbital region. It is a stabbing or aching type of pain that recedes 10-20 seconds after its onset. " from Hulihan, 1997

Brain Freeze, AKA ice cream headache seems to occur when the blood vessels in the roof of the mouth constrict due to the cold, and then dilate quickly. It is an example of referred pain. That is, pain experienced adjacent to or a distance from the actual presumed site of injury. Interestingly (or not), through personal experimentation, Smith (1968) could only induce brain freeze using ice cubes in hot weather and not in cold weather.

"No treatment is usually required (ed: but occasionally is er what?), and sufferers rarely seek medical attention...avoiding contact with the cold food with this area can effectively eliminate the symptoms. Most people arrive at such preventative measures without the advice of doctors. Ice cream abstinence is not indicated." from Hulihan, 1997

The Inner Physician

2009-01-25T21:44:00.000-08:00

A calm and centered state of mind is not simply a

nice attitude. It is a health-promoting clinic that

exists within me. I need an overall life attitude that is

health-promoting. I have a physician living within

me. My body is like a laboratory that produces its own

chemicals. The way I think, feel and eat, the way

I live my life, help shape the chemical makeup of my

body. This affects my physical state of health.

-------------------------------------------------------------------

This is a passage I came across the other day.

It's deep but practical. I like it.

The Interweb

2009-01-24T08:46:00.000-08:00

I love the Internet. I can't imagine life without it. It has made my research so much easier, it has connected me to so many people, and it has answered so many useless trivia questions. Seriously, how did people figure things out, like, what was Battle Cat's alter ego? (it was Cringer)

Like many, I'm on Facebook, I rss favourite sites, music and movies flow freely, I email, I instant message, I organize my life through my computer and the Internet. It has definitely lead to enormous benefits in my day-to-day life and massive potential, still yet to be tapped.

But there is another side to all of this. Nothing quite like the Internet has the power to distract, the ability to to keep us perpetually inattentive to what is going on around us and in front of us. I really noticed this the other day when a buddy sent me a link to check out a video of Mr. Thomas Earl Petty doing a fantastic Super Bowl concert. After I enjoyed this, I noticed a video entitled "worst half time video ever' and watched that. It was pretty funny. Then I noticed 'worst price is right contestant ever' and so it went. I spent a good half hour watching this tripe. The time just disappeared.

Don't get me wrong, the videos were pretty funny. I even lol'd a couple times. But what difference does it make, ultimately? It was so quick and cheap and unsatisfying to get laughs from shitty quality videos that are sub-2 minutes and completely unrelated to anything of importance. It's a kind of instant gratification of a need or impulse that never existed in the first place. This same sensation is called up when I realize that I've been pissing around on the web for an hour with little recall of what I was meant to be doing or looking for in the first place. In these instances, I feel like the Internet is using me, and not the other way around.

What does this do to our attention span? To our ability to take things in at a slower, and what I would call, a more human pace? What does it do to our ability to connect to information, to media (and I use this in the broadest of terms) in the, so-called, "real world," that unfold slowly and where meaning is built with time, and patience, and thought?

There are More ears Than Mouths

2009-01-18T20:09:00.000-08:00

Do you ever notice how when you're having a conversation with someone, while the other person is talking you find yourself waiting to say what you have to say rather than really listening to what they are telling you?

We should all try to do less of that.

Inventions that somebody needs to make already

2009-01-13T10:26:00.000-08:00

1. All liquor caps should be one ounce exactly. This is a no-brainer and just needs to be done already. Are you listening, hard liquor industry?

2. Block heater cords that have a magnetic connection at the front of the car, exactly like the power cord on a Macbook. That way, when Jeff inevitably drives away without remembering to unplug his car in the cold cold arctic tundra, it just pops off, rather than rips apart. Don't be an idiot, instead, you say? If someone simply invented this invention, I wouldn't have to worry about not being an idiot. Check mate.

3. My mind is still all a flutter with the notion of one ounce liquor caps, clearly. Something needs to be done about the lids on the 4 L milk jugs. They get all crusty and gross with little dried flakes of milk. At least, this is what happens when your roommate is able to channel the willpower of Zeus and not drink the entire thing in one evening. Get on it, Internet.

4. Scented Kleenex.

That's all I can muster for now, though I know there's at least one or two more reasonable ideas that won't actually make a company more money, but would potentially cost them more, rockin around in my brain somewhere. These are freeware inventions by the way - go and do with them what you please.

The Power of Expectations

2009-01-06T16:12:00.000-08:00

I learned something yesterday.

A couple of weeks ago, I had what I've been calling the misfortune of traveling via (that is, by) rail from Vancouver to Saskatoon. I had been excited for this journey home. I knew it would be long. I knew that it was not a reasonable means of travel if one expected to arrive at their destination when the ticket indicated one would. Our train was 20 hours late. To give it some perspective, we were expected to be in on Sunday at 9am but instead arrived what would be Monday at 5am. The trip was marked by periodic and inexplicable stops, a broken freight train that blocked our path that left our train immobile for 12 hours, explanations by staff that various problems would be solved between the ludicrous time span of between 1 and 10 hours, and a final soul destroying and unexplained halt within metres of the Saskatoon train station that lasted two hours. As many know, this trip left me a broken and embittered man.

Via rail has a callous disregard for it's customers, I said. Customers are clearly their lowest priority, I thought. Someone should privatize this goddamn company, I seethed. Not because things happened on the track that held us up, I felt. These were out of anyone's direct control, I understood. It was the lack of communication, the lack of explanation that was offered, and the lack of any discernible interest by the staff and company to get us where we were going on time, I reasoned.

There is something romantic and old fashioned about the train. Totally in a good way, mind you. A means of travel that is a little more human, a little more social, and a little bit slower paced. Where the journey is the reward, where a person can relax, take in the sights, and catch up on some reading and some Zs. For these and other reasons (economical, environmental) I was so looking forward to this trip. My return from Vancouver was to be followed by two weeks of holidays and I was looking forward to the slow pace of travel, a categorically different sort of speed than I had been used to in what was a very busy term.

It only occurred to me yesterday that the delays and lack of information did not impact those aspects that I was so looking forward to, and was so enjoying. In fact, the delays allowed me to read more, meet more travelers, snooze more, and generally relax more. Well, they could have. Instead I was irritated, unhappy, and downright livid at times. I considered murdering a man at one point. But why? I had no where to be. I wasn't missing anything. I was warm and fed and comfortable, and in good company. I was angry and upset because my expectations had been challenged. They were decimated in fact, with no ability to make new ones.

I was so focused on what should have been and what was supposed to have happened and on getting somewhere and on being angry that I missed what was right in front of me all along - more of what I was looking for. I wish it were that all my expectations could be so thoroughly dismantled.

We all have somewhere to be. It is exactly where we are in this moment.

GObama. (Alternate Title: Obamalltheway)

2008-11-06T15:29:00.000-08:00

The world can concurrently rejoice and breathe a sigh of relief. Obama was victorious. Twill be a new day in American politics many say. in America. in the world. His acceptance speech was moving. He is a brilliant orator. He opens his mouth and at once inspiration, hope, and imagination burst forth.

I wonder how many people, particularly those across borders who have so brazenly hoisted him up on their proverbial shoulders, actually know what his policies are? I sure don't (and I count myself amongst the brazen). Maybe he is, as McCain and Palin tried to peg him, a socialist (not such a bad thing in these parts, really). Maybe he will, as John Stewart suggested, pull a bait and switch and enslave the white race. Maybe he is, more realistically, inexperienced and underprepared to play coxswain during the current mess that characterizes the United States.

And maybe it's enough that he can inspire and uplift. God knows America needs that now more than anything.

Patterns.

2008-11-03T21:06:00.001-08:00

Rhythm. Cycles. of behaviour. of thought. of everything. of seasons. of music. of growth.

We live and die by patterns. Everything our silly brain learns as we grow happens because of patterns. because of structure. because of repetition. If you give kid a structured home, he will learn and grow in healthy ways. We all implicitly know this. Monkey see, monkey do. You are what you eat. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree. These are colloquial truths. Our brains are wired this way. Patterns make sense to us. and we see patterns in things. We look for them. They help us to understand things. to make sense of this world. to impose some order on it. to not get lost in it.

It is bigger than us. The universe follows a pattern. Things spin on axes in predictable ways. things orbit other things. All human lives follow a shared pattern. There are experiences typical across cultures, boundaries, and beliefs. Milestones. Developmental milestones. Social ones. Experience of some sort. Work of some kind. Relationships. Copulation. Procreation. Death. There are patterns to the day. Waking. Pissing. Dressing. Eating. Doing. Eating. Shitting. Doing some more. Eating. Sleeping. Waking. There are patterns to the hour. to the minute. indeed to the second.

When does a pattern (predictable, order, natural) become a rut (sucky, boring, soul destroying)?

Goodbye Mr. Dion.

2008-10-16T00:11:00.000-07:00

And farewell. Those who competed with you for leadership of the Liberal party were careful in their words about your post-election future. The pundits were not. Many will be sorry to see you leave your position as leader of the Liberal party of Canada. Many more will not.

I, like many Canadians, wanted to like you. You are highly educated, thoughtful, tactful, without arrogance, or brash. You are calm, composed, and you come across as having an empathic and caring demeanor. These lend well to leadership. However, so do decisiveness, strength, and grit.

'Grit'

What an ironic trait to be lacking in a Liberal leader.

I, like many Canadians, wanted to like your Green Shift. It was a plan so bold that it needed a bold sales pitch. And a bold seller. I needed to be pushed a little, in order to embrace it. Many others needed to be pushed a lot. Rather than a bold pitch, I got a completely underwhelming basic explanation of it. You seemed confused by it. Your environment minister fared no better. It started to look the way that your opponents spun it to look. Like a half-baked tax grab. Like a redistribution of cash from the economy-driving West to the industry-leveled East.

I, like many Canadians, wanted an alternate option to Harper and the Conservatives. You didn't provide that option. Goodbye Mr. Dion.

Pemberton 2008 (Alternate Title: 4 People, 3 Days, 2 Tents, 1 Cup)

2008-07-31T17:40:00.000-07:00

Myself and three friends (now bitter enemies) had the pleasure to travel 1600 kilometers in a tiny car to the inaugural music festival known as Pemberton. Pemberton? Coldplay, DJ Shadow, Death Cab, cube-o-tron, Jay-Z, camping, zero tolerance root vegetable ban, Vampire Weekend, Tom Petty, shuttles, dust bowl, Matisyahu, The Hip, mountains, Lillooet stage, My Morning Jacket, shower trailers, The Flaming Lips, Mount Currie stage, 40,000 people, Interpol, portable turlets, NIN. Ooooohhhh, Pemberton. As far as I'm concerned, the organization was top notch. Were their hiccups? Sure, but what does one expect when thousands of people are trying to get to the same place asap as possible?

I think the coolest thing about a festival like Pemberton is that, in essence, a city springs up from nothing and nowhere. Like any other city, ours had neighbourhoods with trendy sounding (while at the same time likely referring to actual places) names like 'Nairn.' Our neighbourhoods had things like general stores, medical centres, and security. Our city also had a nightclub (The Bacardi B-Live tent), food vendors, shops, a farmers market, advertisements. Our city housed respectful, moderate people, alongside those who partied loudly all night, each night. There were h ippies and hip hoppers and hipsters and young people and old people. Many different creeds, nationalities, ethnicities, and religions appeared to be represented. Yep, our little commune was not unlike the places we all came from.

Something set our shanty society apart however. And it wasn't showering in a semi trailer, lineups to piss in a port-o-potty so gross that you shed salty tears for the poor souls who have to clean it, or 15 dollar bottles of sunscreen. Of course these things set us apart, and they shan't be spoken of again.

But there was something more.

I began to notice a camaraderie amongst and between all these different people unlike I've seen anywhere else. Perhaps it was because the liquor and drugs were going down particularly easy for many, or because people are generally more relaxed and chilled out on vacation. Or, a festival of this sort draws a certain type of person. Perhaps, but when it's all said and done, our little society was comparable to the places we've all come from - only this particular society was organized completely around music.

See you at Pemby 2009.

iPhone, therefore iAm. (Alternate Title: Something Witty and Pretentious)

2008-07-14T21:34:00.000-07:00

As every living creature is aware, Apple's iPhone was released in Canada on July 11, 2008. While many questioned Rogers talk and data prices (here), others lamented the poor availability of the device on launch day (there). In any case, thousands of mondo nerds got what they salivated and fornicated over: a device that does just about everything a self-respecting 21st Centurian needs doing ALL THE TIME: Interneting, music listening, video playing, phone talking, photo taking, among other things.

I'm as much of an Apple Knut as the next Canadian urban twenty-something and will certainly upgrade my once cool Razr (ppfh, it doesn't even tell me where I am, let alone allow me to enjoy my illegally garnered media files while I'm on the toilet) when my contract ends in a years time. The question that I think has not been asked and I'm grappling with: Should I aspire to spend more time Interneting, music listening, video playing, phone talking, photo taking, or less? Aren't I (like many fellow Canadians) already doing most or all of these things pretty much all the time as it is? Hasn't my work productivity already found the floor? Or will this device indeed increase my productivity? Do I want to send and receive emails when I'm out running or having coffee? Is it a good thing to peruse shitty blorghs at Nana's house (that is, if she'd get with the program and get wifi already, have you seen the data rates?) while she's going on and on about the good old days? These are questions for all time.

If I managed a Fas Gas, or had one of those new-fangled Internet careers, or trolled more message boards than I already do, then maybe I would need to be separated from a computer by only a thin piece of khaki, or acid wash denim (depending on the occasion). Likely, someday, I will need internet, email, calendar, and midget porn close at hand. Perhaps I should hold off those days as long as possible....particularly in the case of that last one.

Or, is it "cool" and "slick" and "does it all" and who fucking cares about whatever I'm talking about.... it's the iPhone!?